Kindly excuse this note. I wrote this in a very agitated state. Please excuse my colorful language and extreme harshness. I apologize in advance.
I titled this note the “phrase” that I did because it helps describe this post. I’ll do my best to keep it short. I titled it asdfghjkl for two reasons.
1. Because it describes the frustration / irritation I felt during the moments that this story took place.
2. I’ll be using asdfghjkl instead of cussing.
So I was sitting in my Wnglish class and we were supposed to be discussing the reading. But the two girls behind me (in my “group”) didn’t do the ready. They failed the quiz and they were mad at me already because I didn’t; I did the reading in the hours before class, so it was all fresh in my mind.
So, the topic of guys crying in front of their girlfriends came up, because I had expressed my agitation with the narrator of the story for crying in front of his girlfriend because he was begging her to stay, despite the fact that he didn’t really know who she was or what she was thinking.
He was basically using crying as a manipulation tactic to try and control her emotions. And I said that I don’t believe a boyfriend should cry in front of his girlfriend unless it’s over the death of a loved one or you got run over by a car or something.
And these asdfghjkl just really wanted to rip into me. So, they figured they’d “jokingly” stab at me, because they knew I wasn’t going to do anything about it.
Among their jabs and taunts, a certain few stood out.
“Well, I think it’s okay for guys to cry. It shows they have a sensitive side. You must not be very in tune with your emotions.”
I bit my tongue. Silence is golden, I told myself.
“You must never have had a successful relationship; it’s obviously because they didn’t think you showed enough emotion.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Guys cry because it’s an emotion; just because you don’t show emotion, don’t get mad at the guys who do.”
I held my ground; not letting anything get to me.
I figured I’d interject though; I told them that I have had two girlfriends, and I haven’t cried in front of either of them. Ever.
“Well, that’s because you didn’t trust them enough.”
I calmly stated, No, I did. Don’t assume you know anything about my relationships.
“Have you ever taken care of someone? Because that’s when you really start to trust them enough to cry in front of them.”
I was already starting to get a little abrasive; these asdfghjkl should’ve realized that they were playing in a room full of gas and they were about to light a match.
But, they’re both ridiculously stupid and oblivious to people.
So, they lit the match.
“Obviously, you’ve never been in love. Because if you were really in love, then you would’ve cried. Just wait, one day you’ll fall in love and that stone heart of yours will realize it’s okay to cry.”
Oh asdfghjkl no, you arrogant, condescending, conceited little asdfghjkl. I held my tongue for long enough, but you have crossed so many lines I don’t even know where to start.
One. My emotions. I am more in tune with my emotions than most guys are; not just guys my age, guys in general. And I’m not meaning to sound arrogant, it’s just that asdfghjkl true. And not only that, but God had blessed me with the great ability to express my emotions. Unlike you, I know the difference between thinking you feel something and actually feeling it. I’m more in tune with my emotions than your has-been-athletic-in-a-former-life asdfghjkl is. So pardon your condescension, you are excused.
Two. My relationships. You have no idea why either of them ended, so kindly keep your huge asdfghjkl nose out of it. If you started to evaluate yourself instead of pretending you know anything about me, then maybe you wouldn’t have to wonder why you’ve never had a relationship.
Three. “Guys cry because it’s an emotion.” Umm, are you asdfghjkl retarded? Crying is not an emotion. Sad is an emotion. Happy. Loving. Angry. Mad. Joyful. Cry is a verb, not an emotion. So kindly learn your parts of speech before you use another sentence in the English language. You’re giving Americans a bad name.
Four. I don’t show emotion? You obviously have never had a real conversation with me in your life. Oh, wait, no that’s right. You haven’t. So how the asdfghjkl would you have any idea of what I do or do not express, you asdfghjkl.
Five. I didn’t trust them enough? You must be stupid; I have never trusted someone so much in my entire life. You know how you think you and that guy who you’re “trying to work things out with” have all that “trust” with each other? Yeah, well that was the level of trust I had like two years before I started even talking to the girl I dated. So kindly shut up and think before you open your asdfghjkl mouth.
Six. Yes, I have taken care of someone. Not in the sense that they’ve needed me to take care of them, but I’ve been in a situation where I cared more for them than I did for myself. Have you? I doubt it.
Seven. “Obviously you’ve never been in love.” Obviously I’ve never been in love? Because I chose not to cry in front of her? Because I wanted her to think that I was strong, that I could handle myself emotionally? Because I thought that I should be the one that she could lean on and never have to worry about if I can handle it? I have never been in love because I didn’t cry in front of her? What kind of fallacy do you live by? You think that just because I didn’t cry, that she didn’t know the inner-workings of my emotions better than I did myself? You are sadly mistaken, you asdfghjkl. I have been in love. And she knew I loved her. And as far as I know, she has never seen me cry. And I don’t believe she should have to in order to know that I was in love with her.
And for the record, I don’t think that crying should be done by a guy in front of his girlfriend because I believe that crying can create a feeling of burden or bias unnecessarily. And I was referring to the douchebag of a character in the novel; I don’t believe in the manipulation of emotions. Whether it involves crying or not, I believe that if you aren’t straight up with someone, then you have no business speaking to them.